Celebrating...even in times of darkness

The aftermath of the election

November 14, 2016

My heart cracked open this week.

On this huge super moon, I had hoped to celebrate the election of our first female US President. I even planned to celebrate this historic moment as a family the day after with our own “Celebration Dinner”…champagne, a delicious food and good ole American apple pie.

However, on Wednesday morning, I awoke like so many, to a whole new world. A world that I never imagined possible. Despite running on a platform of hate, division and destruction, Donald Trump actually won the election.

I cried most of the day. A whirlwind of emotions flooded through me…anger, fear, frustration, disgust, surprise, suspicion, shock. The kids were in school so they did not see my emotional breakdown. I was thankful to grieve alone… I didn’t want to project my fears and worries onto them and have their little hearts crack open too.

That night, I changed our “celebration dinner” into a “gratitude dinner”. I asked each person to share something they were grateful for and our son volunteered to go first,

“I’m grateful that Hillary ran such a great campaign and helped people be stronger together.”

Tears rolled down my face as I looked in gratitude at our 9-year old son. In his simple wisdom, he showed me that there was still light in this darkness, that no matter what had happened, no matter who was President, we still had the choice…we could still choose to be stronger together.

During the days after the election, I felt my own shadow side of judgement, division and fear rise up. I didn’t want to be stronger together. I wanted to be angry and alone. I wanted to run away and turn away. And then I remembered our son’s wise words.

Turning toward my feelings and looking in my own heart, I saw the truth of my own heart knowing…I do NOT want to be a stand for judgement and separation. I still choose to stand for unity, hope and love.

Modern day mystic and muse, Ariel Spilsbury says in the “Alchemy of Ecstasy”,“Heart knowing is the state of inner confidence and certainty that comes from alignment with your authentic essence.”

For days after the election, my ego resonated with the fear and sadness around me. My essence, however, never wobbled.

That core part of my soul stayed strong, steady and confident, waiting for me to reconnect to what is true and real...waiting for me to reconnect with my heart and the flame of my feminine fire, my power. Not power over, but power in alignment with love and wisdom.

The pain of this election hit so deep and was delivered with such a shocking blow. I felt like the wind got knocked out of me….as though my own feminine fire had been snuffed out.

Without my own inner flame to light the way, I felt lost. I was conflicted. I wanted to hate, to lash out, to like and comment on every anti-Trump message I saw on Facebook. But I also wanted to somehow rise above it all and send out messages of hope and solidarity.

I chose to do neither, and instead, I sat with both these conflicting emotions and I turned all my projections toward myself.

In my own mirror of division and judgement, I saw the Donald Trump in me. The destroyer who wants to win at all costs, the one who would have made those negative comments and blasted more fear into the world.

I also saw the part of me that wants to rebuild it all into something better, to rebuild from this muck of division and make our country great again.

Most of all, my own heart knowing showed me that whatever I build and put out into the world has to be in alignment with my values, my essence and my integrity. Even if it's painful and feels impossible, it has to be aligned to love.

By turning toward my own heart, I felt something begin to ignite again. Each time I choose love, instead of fear, my feminine fire expands. It continues to grow, day by day, keeping me aligned with my true essence by burning away all that keeps me from love.

This feminine fire is also heating me up so I want to do more, be more, show up more, and really dare to be a stand for love.

Every full moon, my sacred practice is to celebrate the good in life and use the light of the full moon to help me examine what needs to be eliminated and what needs to be illuminated.

On this super moon, I choose to eliminate the practice of not rocking the boat for fear I will not belong, be liked or accepted. The boat has been rocked awake by this election, and there is no going back to sleep.

I’m also choosing to illuminate and seek out the good I know lies in people’s hearts, even if I cannot see it in their words or actions right now. Only by turning towards what separates us, can we ever hope to come together.

Tonight, I will not be celebrating the election of our first female US President, but I will proudly celebrate Hillary and the message of hope she imprinted on my son’s heart and on the hearts of so many.

She may have lost the election, but she left us with powerful medicine to deal with the days ahead…for you Hillary, and for ALL of us, I'm praying that we can be STRONGER TOGETHER .

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As you witness the spectacular super moon tonight and in the spirit of “stronger together”, what are you celebrating?

What do you choose to eliminate?

What do you choose to illuminate?