"My grief was boundless. I wondered if it would ever end. To mark the passage of time, I decided to teach myself to knit. It was a meditation, a dedication to the child I would never hold. Each stitch an embrace, until finally I made a tiny, blue baby blanket to hold my broken heart.
My family wanted to help me but didn't know how. I struggled with closure, trying to end something that had barely begun. My grief felt private and personal. How could anyone understand? I could feel her all around me, knowing her passing and her presence were part of my own evolution as a mother. Knowing somehow that this initiation into the darkness was actually for me, I finally understood that "Mother" is not only she who holds, but She Who Is Held.
The grief finally became too much for me to bear alone. Broken, I asked for what my soul needed to move from grief to acceptance. I needed the short life and endless gift of sweet Emmanuelle to be witnessed. I needed for those who loved me to hold me so I could finally say goodbye.”
-From my chapter “She Who Holds” in “The New Feminine Evolutionary: : Embody Presence—Become the Change"